Traditional or not, marriage is a partnership
The man may be the provider (“breadwinner”), but the wife is responsible for making the best possible use of what is provided – be it great or small.
There is a growing number of women who are calling for (or, in the case of some of the younger and more vocal ones, demanding – which kind of misses the point, in my humble opinion…!) a return to more traditional gender roles, in which the man is the provider (“breadwinner”), and the woman the stay-at-home mother and homemaker.
I am very much in favor of this arrangement, although, as I have discussed elsewhere, the idea of the majority of men (soldiers, sailors, and traveling merchants being the primary exceptions) working outside the home – which includes the family land – is a relatively recent, and not entirely desirable, innovation.
In any case, I would direction your attention, and particularly that of any young women who happen to be reading this, to the point made in Lori Anderson’s (“The Transformed Wife,” see also here) post, above. As I am wont to say, “read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest”!
I have commented previously on my observation that some (thankfully not all, and probably not even most, but a significant subset) in the “tradwife” / traditional gender roles movement seem to view their role as a “sugar baby” who happens to have a few “granny hobbies.” And I have advanced as a more appropriate view the qualities expressed in Proverbs 31:10-31, as this post (borrowed from a traditional account on Instagram) expresses:
But Lori Alexander’s post does a better job, I think, of making the matter explicit in terms that are more comprehensible to contemporary folk. Which is more important to you, young women: a man who works hard, full-time, at a worthwhile job which is in line with his (and your) Christian values, who is a good man, loving, faithful, and committed to you (and your children, if any), or one who makes a six-figure income, or at least can afford to throw money at you to meet your every (perceived) “need” (actually, in most cases, mere desires)?
If the latter, you are not actually a traditional woman at all. It doesn’t matter if those desires are for diamonds and sportscars or for land and livestock, if you expect your man to be able to buy you everything your heart desires, and consider him a failure, or less of a man, if he is good, kind, and hard-working, but can’t afford to do so, you are still a narcissist and a gold-digger. Sorry to be harsh; just being honest!
As I indicated in my title for this post, whether it’s based on traditional gender roles or not, a marriage is still a partnership, and the success and well-being of the family and household is a mutual responsibility. If the man is a slacker and a deadbeat (or of course if he is abusive or unfaithful), that is a different matter, naturally!
But if, as I say, your man is working hard, full-time, at a worthwhile job which is in line with your shared values, and who is a good man, loving, faithful, and committed to you and your family, your job is to help him, and your family / household as a whole, to not only survive, but thrive: “I will make him a help meet” – that is to say, a helper who is fitting and appropriate – “for him,” God says in Genesis 2:18.
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, that “help” may involve “taking in piecework” (which used to refer to doing seamstress work at home, but nowadays may include things like selling The Pampered Chef or Young Living Oils, or other modern-day equivalents of the Tupperware or Mary Kay cosmetics sold by women of my mother’s day – make sure that the nature of the work is in line with your moral and spiritual values!) or selling produce, eggs, etc., if one is raising more than is needed by the family: side income brought in by such means used to be called “butter and eggs money” for a reason!
But at minimum, it should include the basic principle outlined in Lori Alexanders’ post, above: learning to live simply and frugally within the income that exists. That may include giving up luxuries and conveniences, as she mentions; it will certainly include learning to budget, shop sales, grow at least a portion of one’s food (which is doable, even in an apartment, if there is someone home to tend to it), and so on.
It’s not a popular notion in today’s world, but life requires sacrifices: of time, of energy, and of being willing to give up some things in order to get others. If you and your husband want you to be home full-time to be a wife, mother, and keeper-of-the-home, that will – in most if not all cases – require sacrifices on both your sides, to make it work. If he is working full-time to support you, then you should be working full-time, at home, to maximize whatever his earnings may be.
And in my opinion, making ends meet should not (except, perhaps, temporarily, and in the case of great need) involve him having to get a second job. Neither your relationship, nor your children, will benefit by the husband and father of the family being largely absent, and exhausted on the rare occasions when he is home. Again, “you must be willing to live simply, frugally, and contentedly within his income.” If you need a lot of “stuff” to be happy, you will probably not be happy in a truly traditional marriage.
Hear endeth the sermon!
Some tips, suggestions, and reflections on living on one income, from The Transformed Wife:
"Again, 'you must be willing to live simply, frugally, and contentedly within his income.' If you need a lot of 'stuff' to be happy, you will probably not be happy in a truly traditional marriage."
It's a great point. It sounds harsh to say, but: With greed, the same as with pride, perhaps--with sufficiently great sin, there is no possibility that anything will be great enough to satisfy our ego's demands, in the real world. If we have a big enough pride problem, no amount of real-world accomplishments, even if we are truly accomplished, will make our real-world significance equal to our towering self-regard. If we have a big enough greed problem, no amount of money and possessions we can ever hope to amass will be equal to our insatiable appetite.
But wealth is fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying anyway.
"Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare . . . ."
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Timothy%206&version=NKJV